Robson’s Ramblings: New Pro-Bono Group Offers Holiday Aid to the Needy

By Scott Robson

BARCELONA — A newly-founded student group aims to make a difference for hundreds of people this holiday season. Armed with a daunting vision, a committed staff, and a robust set of bylaws, the group seems poised to help a great many people. The group’s mission is unique among student groups; where other pro bono organizations seek to treat symptoms, this one aims to address the underlying problem.

GOAD (Giving Overworked Attorneys Doppelgangers) was started in secret this August by a handful of summer associates who noticed a common complaint among their supervising attorneys and other colleagues: there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Taking inspiration from Michael Keaton’s tragically underrated Multiplicity (1996) and the $2 Wednesday special at the Half Door, these young visionaries decided to do something about it.

GOAD is the result of an epiphany: It’s not that there aren’t enough hours in the day. There just aren’t enough attorneys in the day.

Attorneys, they reasoned, are the driving force of society. Lawyers help people. Lawyers are the agents of justice. Lawyers are able to set a congressional budget in a timely fashion. Sometimes.

GOAD’s mission is simple – provide attorneys with the assistance they need to juggle work and life. They train students and members of the community to precisely mimic overworked attorneys in appearance and behavior, and then assign them to lawyers in need. Since it would be illegal and unethical to have the doppelgangers replace the attorneys professionally, GOADers instead replace lawyers in social and family contexts.

Think about it. The Thanksgiving holiday alone is a full 24 hour period, midweek – prime time for productivity and due diligence. If every attorney were able to focus on their work, knowing that they had an accurate doppelganger at home dealing with the pleasantries of turkey and pecan pie, the benefits would be incalculable.

With 168 hours in the week, a doppelganger frees up at least 112 of those hours for billing – they can do everything at home but sleep for you. Clients and attorneys alike now have something to truly be thankful for!

After trials with cardboard cut-out lawyers and mannequin lawyers proved to have a less than optimal success rate (28% and 64% convincing, respectively), GOAD decided to train students and community members instead. With a large pool of unemployed workers at their disposal, GOAD quickly began its mission to free attorneys of the shackles of home life.

No doppelgangers could be positively identified for interview.

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