Diary of a 3L: The First Three Letters of “Booze” is “Boo”
POSTED ON November 6, 2014
By: Sarah Ricciardi
When I was a kid, I had nightmares every night. Most of them were pretty typical: serial killers, demons, clowns…. Due to a particularly troubling episode of Square One TV, I couldn’t have an alarm clock in my room for like three years. I was convinced every clock was actually a bomb set to go off at exactly 3:12am. And I refused to stretch my feet to the end of the bed because I was absolutely sure scorpions would sting them. You know, since scorpions typically live in little girls’ beds. (Thank you Dad for letting me watch The Arrival at the age of seven). Needless to say, I wasn’t the smartest kid.
As I got older, my dreams evolved. In my teens, they mostly involved aggressive acne and having dog food poured down my back while slow-dancing at Prom. (Thank you Leelee Sobieski).
I don’t think I dreamt at all in my early twenties. If I did, I don’t remember them. Then again, I don’t remember much of my waking hours either. The only think that my twenty-year old self feared was reaching the bottom of a bottle of Hendricks. Okay, who am I kidding? I couldn’t afford Hendricks.
Law school brought the nightmares back. At first, I dreamt of cold calls and “the Hairy Hand” – obviously. Then, the dreams became a little less predictable and a bit more depressing. Now when I close my eyes at night, I see “id.’s” with unitalicized periods and n-dashes where there should be m-dashes. It’s terrifying. The other night I woke up screaming because I dreamt that I’d forgotten to sign a cover letter. And I keep having this recurring nightmare that my Linkedin account has been hacked and now everyone thinks I’m a preschool teacher from Poughkeepsie, who eats kale chips and thinks “amicus curaie” is a venereal disease.
I can’t wait until I can afford Hendricks.
Diary of a 3L – ‘Tis the Season to Quit Law School
POSTED ON October 14, 2014
By: Sarah Ricciardi
Being a law student in the fall is like being lactose intolerant at a Dairy Queen. Think about it. Fall is the most awesome season. There’s football, apple picking, football, pumpkin carving, football, Oktoberfesting, haunted-housing, football, tailgating (because of the football), trick-or-treating, football, World Series watching, Big E-ing, and football.
But do law students get to enjoy any of that? Of course not. Instead, we are spending endless hours in the basement of the library, desperately trying to not fail our tax midterms. Okay, who are we kidding? What are we really doing in the library? We’re catching up on all the ridiculous fall TV that we miss every week because of $#%&ing night classes, which are obviously during primetime. “The Walking Dead,” “Scandal,” “American Horror Story,” “The Voice,” “Sons of Anarchy,” “The Good Wife!” ¾ I am pretty sure the cable networks are really in the business of torturing law students. You might as well lock me in a room and blast Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” for three hours.
Sitting in class from 6:30 to 9:30 is cruel and unusual punishment in clear violation of the Eighth Amendment. How am I supposed to pay attention to the intricacies of “annuities” and “appreciated property” when Olivia Pope’s mom is about to blow up the White House?
The fall also brings mouth-watering baked goods and intoxicating libations. But do we, as law students, get to devour the apple cider donuts and hot toddies? Sure, we do. But in exchange for the pecan pies and Märzen, we end up fat and poor. Despite fall being the absolute perfect season to spend time outdoors, law students don’t go running or hiking or climbing. They don’t even rake leaves! They can’t. They are just too darn busy studying case law from 1892. So what if you gain 18 pounds in two months and can’t pay rent in December because you spent all your loan money on pumpkin spice lattes? Obviously, getting a B+ in Legal Profession is SO much more important. I’m so glad I have my priorities straight.
The truth is, fall is the best time to quit law school. Just make sure you have a really good explanation for the grandparents at Thanksgiving. No one likes seeing old people cry.
Diary of a 3L: What I Wish I Knew
POSTED ON August 24, 2014
By Sarah Ricciardi
You know the saying “time flies when you’re having fun?” Well, time also flies when you’re as busy as $&#%. With only a couple semesters left of my law school career, I thought I’d share some “pearls of wisdom” that might make your time at UConn Law go by a little smoother.
First, a few reassurances. All the talk of “Westlaw” and “Lexis” will become infinitely clearer over time, I promise. All you need to know now is that you’re going to love Westlaw and hate Lexis – just like everyone else. And “shepardizing” is not nearly as biblical – or horrible – as it sounds. And you will be told over and over again to “brief” cases for homework. It’s annoying and time-consuming. But you won’t have to do it forever. One day you’re going to wake up and some- one’s gonna ask you, “hey, did you brief the cases?” And you’re gonna be like, “Psssh no.” And you won’t even feel bad about it.
Establish relationships with your professors NOW. You’re going to need references eventually, and they will be that much more powerful if the professor knows more about you than that you sat in the back row and rarely brushed your hair.
The concept of “gunner” is going to become painfully obvious soon enough. For now, just do your best not to be one. That label will follow you all three years. Raise your hand if you know the answer or if you have a question. Don’t raise your hand to listen to your own voice. Everyone will hate you and you will find gum in your hair.
Truffles is our campus cafeteria. It’s in the basement of Hosmer Hall. Don’t be fooled by its location. It’s a great place to grab lunch, and the snicker- doodle cookies are awesome. But beware – it’s usually closed by 3pm. Eat early or go hungry.
Now, this might seem rather obvious, but I’m going to mention it any- way: Get. Good. Grades. 1L grades are the key to your 2L summer position. Your 2L summer position is the key to your post-graduate career. If you slack your 1L year, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle for the rest of law school. I’m not saying you have to be a brainiac. Just put forth your best effort. When that little voice in your head says “I’ll study later, I’d rather watch three episodes of ‘Bachelor in Paradise” make the grown up decision. Watch Law & Order instead.
Last but certainly not least – what- ever you do, avoid dalliances with classmates in your section. You will be spending A LOT of time with these people. And this is an incredibly small school. If you’re not willing to commit to abstention indefinitely, at least wait a few weeks. Get your seat assignments. No one wants to sit next to “last night’s drunken indiscretion” for 18 weeks.
I submit to you that, if you follow at least some of this advice, when you get to graduation you’ll be happier than a bedbug in a mattress store. Fact.